I think it might be starting to sink in. I leave for Minnesota in 46 days. A little over a month and I'm gone. Gone until Christmas...then gone until May. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited for NET. I'm excited to serve and sacrifice and travel and live out of a suitcase. It's such an adventure. An adventure like St. Paul would have...although I probably won't be jailed, whipped within inches of my life, and such. ;) However, I'm starting to realize what it means to leave everything behind...everyone behind.
Mike and I got engaged last weekend. Though not much seemed to change on the surface, I have a feeling that the rumblings will begin underneath. We've united ourselves to this commitment, this end goal. While we had done this already, it's more solid, more real. He's joining the Navy for me! That's absolutely nuts! He is so serious about this that he'd give away his life for my well-being. Sacrifice is starting to have a new meaning when you see it fleshed out. When it's more than empty words and promises. It's only beginning.
My friends will be splitting up for college all over the country. Silly as it sounds, I feel like I'll hear from them less while I'm away on NET than if I'd gone to a far-away college. This year will be one filled with friends. I mean that in two ways. I'll find out who my real friends are, whose committed to writing me actual letters and struggling to keep in touch. I'll also have the joy of deep, new friendships while I'm on the road. After all, I'll be living with these 10-12 people for nine months. Exciting, but kind of scary. The future is all-telling.
Basically, I'm psyched for NET. I would not rather be doing ANYTHING else right now. I know this is where I belong this year. It's going to be a step of faith every single day. Who will I lose, who will I gain? What struggles with push me down, and what beauty will pull me up? I don't know. I do know one answer remains. God. I will gain Him in whole new ways and His beauty will pull me up.
Going away is one of the scariest things...it's not summer camp. It's not time riddled with vacations back home. It's not constant phone calls and time to catch up. I'm sacrificing my life, my friends, my family, my comfort in hopes that they'll be constant and unwavering when I return.
So the title for this post comes from a song by The Fray. Hearing those lyrics last night, with Mike hugging me. It hit me hard and I was mildly terrified. God provides faith for those who ask. Thank goodness for that.
Picture you're the queen of everything
as far as the eye can see
under your command
I will be your guardian
when all is crumbling
I'll steady your hand
You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time, time, and time again
Younger now than we were before
Don't let me go
don't let me go
don't let me go
We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again
Don't let me go
don't let me go
don't let me go
Comments (2)
Hey you, It's Ben.
As far as I am concerned you leaving won't be real to me until about a week after you leave lol. I am still in denial. You have always been like a little sister to me and with that said you have been one of the biggest inspirations in my life. After all that life as thrown at you in the past few years, you have beat down every obstacle and I have yet to see the one that you cannot overcome. I remember you coming into the ministry at the church as a girl who I never saw talk, and now you are one of the strongest leaders there. You have grown into someone I go to for advise, and a person who I respect a lot more than most. I have no idea how I am going to live without you for nine months, but thats not important right now. What is importsnt is that you feel confident in what you are embarking on. It is a huge thing and no matter how many miles away you are, I want you to know that you will always have family just as far as the nearest phone if you ever need someone to "steady you hand" or you head or you heart, and I say that because I know in times of change you always need someone there to remind you everyonce in a while of why you are doing what your doing, if that makes sense, but never the less, i'm always here for ya. I think you and Mike are going to be great. He is a great man, and I say that with the confidence of knowing that he would give anything if it meant that it made you happy. I am sure that it will be hard, as all long distance relationships can be at times, but from what I have see you too are perfect for eachother and you love eachother, and in the words of the beetles, all you need is love ;). In your lyrics it said dont let me go, and even though in a big way we all have to, in another way we don't. Yes, of course physically we do, but on the flip side of that you will always be in our minds, hearts, and prayers, and becasue of that fact, no matter how many miles away you are, you will never be competely gone. I am sure this is all stuff you already know, but I figured I would tell you anyway just in case. You are going to do great, you have the perfect personallity for NET, and I am sure that after all the anticipation is over you are going to love it. Anywho, thats all I got, I'll always love you like the little sister I see you as, no matter how far your maturity level increases past mine lol.
God Bless
Love,
Ben
Well said Ben. Well said.