Monday, 10 August 2009

• barely holding on

  to double digits...
  
  Today=10 days until I leave.  That's so unreal to me.  Surreal.  Basically, I can't believe it's happening.  It doesn't seem possible.  Every once in a while it would hit me like a ton of bricks and I'd feel kind of sad (like yesterday trying to take a nap, seeing my suitcase, and not wanting to waste time sleeping).  Times on the mission trip when people made comments about our last "big trip" together.  Moments when others broke down into tears or let the sad smile seep across their face and you could read it in their eyes.
  
  I just keep praying for courage and strength.  I've hit that time period where this won't feel like the end until the night before I head off.  For now, every day just seems like the beginning of the end of another summer.  It won't click that it's not like every other summer until I'm headed to the airport, boarding a plane, and watching everything pass away...all alone.  God is my constant companion.  Thank goodness for that.  Nonetheless, I'm going to miss everyone like crazy.
  
  I know I keep posting day counts and saying the same things...so what?  When I'm awake and there's no one to talk to, I resort to this.  These thoughts keep circling inside my head, they return to me daily as the numbers flicker and fade...as I watch wasted minutes tick by, wishing I could be with someone doing something awesome.
  
  I remember when
  We used to laugh
  About nothing at all
  It was better than going mad
  From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
  Forget 'em all
  Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
  Together we faced it all
  Remember when we'd
  
  Stay up late and we'd talk all night
  In a dark room lit by the TV light
  Through all the hard times in my life
  Those nights kept me alive
  
  We'd listen to the radio play all night
  Didn't want to go home to another fight
  Through all the hard times in my life
  Those nights kept me alive
  
  I remember when
  We used to drive
  Anywhere but here
  As long as we'd forget our lives
  We were so young and confused that we didn't know
  To laugh or cry
  Those nights were ours
  They will live and never die
  Together we'd stand forever
  Remember when we'd
  
  Those nights belong to us
  There's nothing wrong with us
  
  I remember when
  We used to laugh
  And now I wish those nights would last
  
  

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